The Princess Diaries: The New Princess of Genovia
by fangirl1998
Summary: Just when Irene Moscovitz is starting to actually enjoy her life as a new highschooler, her mom and dad plant some pretty big news on her.
1. Chapter 1

You know, grown woman just do not understand teenage girls. I mean, giving them a lousy journal for their 'Going into High School' present?

My Aunt is so retarded. She thinks this will help me achieve self-actualization faster than my mother, who she says was a total wimp when she was my age.

Well now she and my Dad are like mayors of some town in Europe, so, doesn't that completely defeat the purpose?

But, I guess if it helped my mother become what she is now, I guess I'll try it out.

Even though I reached the top of the tree of self-actualization years ago, I mean hello, I live with Lily Moscovitz.

I'm in homeroom right now, and my friend Artimis Claee will not shut up about how she thought she saw our coach throwing a condom in the trash can.

Well, good for Coach Gean, because, at least one teacher in this school is getting laid. And he used a condom, so extra brownie points, Gean.

I mean honestly, the last thing we need is more people on this planet, because at least more than half of her population are dumb as an elephant's left butt cheek.

I for one am a completely independent woman, who does not bow to the masculine powers of the opposite sex. So no one has to worry about me popping out yet another imbecile into our already failing human race.

All I should be focusing on, and I am, is my education, because if I don't get into to college, my father and Aunt will kill me.

My mom on the other hand would be all like, okay honey; I accept your decision.

But to be frank, if I don't get into college, I would probably kill myself too.

Artimis is yelling at me.

"Irene, hello, are you listening?"

"Yes, Artimis, I am aware of the scandalous affairs of Albert Einstein's staff, now can we please focus on History?"

"Well, I was just going to say that Ryan is trying to get our attention." She said all offended, scrunching up her pixie face.

She is talking of my other best friend Ryan Firstt. It turned out he needed a pencil, which I threw at his dumb, ginger head.

He should know that I am not fond of lending my school mechanics to people. And he's actually what I consider smart!

Or at least he's above average intelligence at this underprivileged high school.

I know I am. I was raised by a college professor. Which I guess kind of sucks sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, I love Lily, but I wish I actually lived with my parents you know? And I ask them all the time why I cant, but my dad just strokes my hair and tells me I'll find out one day.

Well, Dad, how about today?

Got to go to English.


	2. Chapter 2

Later, 4:00 p.m.

I can't believe it.

My parents are coming to New York this weekend! You know, for mayors, they're really unorganized. I mean, they accidentally send me business papers with my weekly 'Missing You' letter.

But I don't care that I got a sheet explaining the infant mortality rate of Genovia, because I also got an amazing letter telling me they're coming!

Each time they come, they spend the night at my apartment, even though they have enough money to stay at the Plaza. This is one of the big reasons that my parents are my favorite people, because, they totally love to lounge around on the couch and eat Cheetos and yell obscenities at old Disney movies.

And my dad always play's Risk with me and this is like really huge because no else actually has the patience to play it with me. I mean, sure, Lily would, but she always wins.

And my mom, she's always plays with my hair. I think it might be because, when she was my age, her hair would never grow like mine, which is extremely long, curly, and black. She say's her's looked like a yield sign.

Then my dad gets all defensive and says stuff like 'Your mother was the most beautiful woman at that high school, she just thinks because she left her legs crossed that she wasn't cool' and 'Oh, honey, you were always beautiful', and then they start making out. Shamelessly.

I love them so much. Like seriously, I'm the only one at school whose parents are still in love.

Sometimes I think it might be nice to love someone, but then I get a real good look at what America says is the average man, and I'm good. I don't have to worry about that anyway, because, I guess my mom passed on flat chestness or something, I have no breasts. And I'm freakishly tall, like almost as tall as my mother, and she's like a freaking giant. And so is my dad, so, I guess my being tall is sort of like 'duh, we knew you'd be a freak.'

But, the weird thing is, Lilly is going around muttering about people destroying other people's dreams and stuff. She's super mad, and she keeps looking at me all sympathetically. I wonder what her deal is.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh.

Oh!

Oh!

Honesty how could I have been so stupid? I mean really, who is the mayor of a town in Genovia that gets to sleep in a palace?

I mean, this makes so much since, like, why they weren't there for me my, oh I don't know, ENTIRE LIFE! Well, it's because they are King and Queen of Genovia. And guess what that means. I'm a princess. And since my mom had to go and get all sterile, I'm the sole heir.

Of course when I started freaking out when they told me, my mom was all:

"Honey, I went through this same situation."

And I just blinked at her from behind my tears, because obviously, my mom is so stupid.

"Then why are you doing this to _me?_" I cried. And my dad kept stroking my hair, and Lilly went to get me my favorite ice cream, which is Crazy Cookie dough.

"Well, Irene, I didn't want you to grow up in a castle knowing you were a royal. I've seen kids who were, and they are the snottiest little brats ever." She said, handing me a box a tissues. I don't really remember much after that, except I think I started yelling at them for going all 'Dumbledore on me' or something.

Sure, being a princess would be fun to some girls, but I really wanted to go to college and become a care free paleontologist. But no, I have to learn to rule a country.

My life is officially, utterly over.

Ryan's outside my window, I got to go.


	4. Chapter 4

Later, 1:00 a.m.

Ryan is my hero, like, seriously. If it wasn't for him, I'd be a total mess right now. He just came up here with a huge blanket, a lantern, the complete collection of Harry Potter, and Oreo's. He even brought milk.

I guess not all males are fat and dumb. Because Ryan is defiantly not, he's really skinny, and he is nearly as smart as me, which is saying a lot. And he doesn't have his hair cut like Justin Beiber like all the other boys. He just lets it hang, you know, all in front of his eyes. Which are an emerald green; he sort of reminds me of a leprechaun.

So we crawled out onto the fire escape, put the blanket down, and began reading Harry Potter to each other.

Ryan is awesome. I mean, he's intelligent, kind of handsome, and he doesn't eat at McDonalds; he's a vegetarian. My mother totally approves of this, by the way.

But we got bored around the time Hermione get's all know-it-all on Harry and Ron. So we just sat there and talked all night.

Ryan say's the reason he came over was because he heard yelling next door-yes, he is my neighbor-and got all concerned, because I _never_ yell. I went ahead and told him about the princess thing because I totally trust Ryan.

Ryan fell asleep on my bed, so I'm writing because I think I'm going through some serious emotional changes. I seriously think I like Ryan.

What am I coming too? Suddenly I'm a princess, and now I'm crumbling beneath the mass of teenage hormones.

Why me? _Why?_


	5. Chapter 5

Saturday 8:00 a.m.

October 4th

Well, I'm awake; Mom and Dad are still asleep. Good, because if they were awake I would through my breakfast burrito at them. And then my mom would've totally freaked out because she would've been covered in ground beef. My dad would've laughed and then he would try to psychoanalyze me.

Of course, I could go in there and draw stuff on there faces with a sharpie. But they probably have some royal meeting or something.

I just cannot believe this, right when I began high school a _month_ ago, and just when I start getting interested in boys they drop _this_ on me. And the fact that my mom went through the same thing, and she did it to many anyway is beyond me. Seriously, you'd think she would've learned.

But no, here I am, a freaking Princess. At least Ryan totally understood, he freaked out a little bit yeah, but he was completely sympathetic. I can't tell Artimis though, she would go insane, and start running around telling everyone she's best friends with a Princess. No one knows about Genovia anymore anyway. I barely knew anything about it myself. My parents always told me we were in the back roads on London when I went to visit them. Because, like the dumb person I am, I didn't think twice about it.

Why are my parents so stupid? Why am _I_ so stupid? I am praised for my intelligence, so how could I have missed this? I guess my dad _is_ a total genius, because he had to have put this together. My mom, honestly, isn't smart enough to plan a football game; sure, she's an amazing novelist, _but come on_.

Lily is furious by the way. After I went to bed, I could hear her totally chewing my parents out. I mean, she raised me. She felt like I was her daughter. She became even more maternal to me when I was three, and her husband died, thus having a miscarriage. So I didn't blame her in the slightest when she went all Postal Worker on my parents. They had completely crushed me, and my dreams. I would be pretty pissed too. Heck, I am pissed!

Oh, Ryan just texted me; she says:

Leprechaun: Hey, u doing ok?

Adler: No. Why r u up so early?

Leprechaun: My dog is being stupid and barking at birds.

Adler: Lol, at least your parents aren't snoozing away contently now that they've rested the burden of Hell on my shoulders.

Leprechaun: Did someone eat a bad burrito this morning?

Adler: No, I'm just a princess.

Leprechaun: You make no since. L8r. Take it easy.

I'm sorry, but is that not the sweetest thing? Ugh! Must stop bowing to the power of men. My Aunt will kill me! After she's wiping my parents guts off her hands first of course.

Oh my God, my parents are up. Wish me good luck!


End file.
